When you go back to school on your own dime and have to [actually] make time to keep on track, YOU’RE NOT PLAYIN’! It’s a sentiment that I’ve expressed more times than I can remember. I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to go back to school, but I must’ve overlooked the whole “time” thing — how much I won’t have any of it. It’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make, though, and I’m actually pretty proud of myself for keeping it up and sticking with it.
God, I could have dropped out. I really could have, but I can’t do that to myself again. I’ve learned that even though, in the real world, it might be more about who you know than what you know, what you know can still save you. I try to alleviate all the stress with keeping in mind that it’ll all be over soon. On top of that, imagining what I can do afterwards, and with that say that I did this for myself by myself, lets me know that my head is in the right place. This is where I need to be, even if I’m getting sick of it, I will never regret going through this.
This post may or may not be inspired by this song,
which probably has no actual correlation to its content.
I won’t lie, though. Comparison gets the best of me 99.9% of the time, which I know it shouldn’t. And, I’m always the first to say this comparison crap shouldn’t get in anyone’s way, get on anyone’s mind. But damn it, we’re human! I catch myself thinking, “Damn you Shayne, you should have done this years ago! Why’d it take you so much to get it together!” or “Look where you are. Look at you — you vs. them.” Ugh. I get it universe, I’m a joke.
I feel also that comparison is just a manifestation of fear. Fear is what ultimately stops us from going through opportunities or obstacles that present themselves to us. The fear of being judged or looked down on are just a couple of its other layers. With comparison though, we’re only just looking down on ourselves. We make ourselves less than everyone else we put on a pedestal. Here’s another bit of truth: no one is seriously that great enough for us to put on any pedestal and say, “Oh! Look here, we have the perfect human!” What a joke.
The one thing we have to remember is that we all have a different trajectory, and none of us should dare think we deserve or can even survive a path someone has already paved. The truth is, we only compare ourselves to what we see on the surface of another person’s journey. That’s it. We don’t know anything else about what they’ve been through aside from what they share, and even still, it’s none of our business. You, what you do, what you’ve been through, what you have to deal with, it’s no one’s business. There’s a greater number of possibilities out there for us when we realize that.
An amazing thing about life is that every phase we go through, no matter how permanent all of it feels, it’s only happening for now. Just for now. Do you know how much better it gets when we realize that, when we think in that way? Everyone you compare yourself to is only living that life for now. Everything you’re going through is only going to be that way for now. It’s all just for now.