Cussing and Other Things I Should Stop Doing

I don’t understand how people can be eloquent 24/7. I mean, unless I’m part of the British Royal Family (Whattup, tho, Kate?), no one should expect that from me. Being prim and proper is seriously not my forte, because I’m a real freaking person. I’ve acquired a vocabulary fit for a sailor, if you know what I mean. I might have been immersed in books and the language arts all of my life, but that doesn’t mean I speak in code and philosophies all the time. Contrary to it, I’m kind of a nut.

Cussing though, all of the four-letter-words I opt to use, really needs to end. I don’t notice when I’m doing it and that’s a real problem. 1) I’m kind of in charge of a five-year-old, 2) I’m around other five-year-olds, 3) Everyone thinks I’m a nut (Well, I already told you I am.). While I could care less about what people think of me, I don’t want the way I speak to be a reflection of who I am except if it reflects that I’m honest about my feelings. I mean, sometimes f*** and s*** really do sum up my feelings, and I expect other people to be honest with me about theirs. Most of the time though, I see how cussing too much could make it seem like I’m an uneducated or immature. I’m not, k?

Aside from cussing like a sailor. I should probably stop:

  1. Talking like I’m on Tumblr IRL
  2. Putting heaps of sugar in my coffee and trying to justify that it’s still black because I don’t use creamer
  3. Saying “So it is.”
  4. Setting an alarm and waking before said alarm
  5. Taking on more than I can take on
  6. Stop saying “Yes, sure, I’ll do that.” and “Yeah, sure. I’ve got time for that.”
  7. BUYING OFFICE SUPPLIES I DON’T NEED
  8. Using gifs to express my feelings via text, Twitter, Facebook, etc.
    But this one is so appropriate right now:bye
  9. Laughing when something unfortunate happens to someone (i.e.: They trip and fall in front of me unexpectedly, and I laugh because I don’t know how to react. I should just help them up, because that’s what a good person does.)
  10. Forcing K-Pop on my friends and family. It’s not happening…ever.
  11. Thinking in Tagalog and laughing to myself. (I’m putting myself out there right now, plz don’t laugh at me.)
  12. As a piggy back to said thinking in Tagalog, I should probably stop laughing at my own jokes.
  13. JK!!
  14. Finally and most pivotal, I think: sitting at home and watching a marathon of Filipino teleseryes when I could be doing something more productive than bickering with my television at Angelo and Yna; and Clark and Lea.

Honestly though, I don’t see any of this stopping.

Do you have any weird quirks?

F Comparison

 

When you go back to school on your own dime and have to [actually] make time to keep on track, YOU’RE NOT PLAYIN’! It’s a sentiment that I’ve expressed more times than I can remember. I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to go back to school, but I must’ve overlooked the whole “time” thing — how much I won’t have any of it. It’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make, though, and I’m actually pretty proud of myself for keeping it up and sticking with it.

God, I could have dropped out. I really could have, but I can’t do that to myself again. I’ve learned that even though, in the real world, it might be more about who you know than what you know, what you know can still save you. I try to alleviate all the stress with keeping in mind that it’ll all be over soon. On top of that, imagining what I can do afterwards, and with that say that I did this for myself by myself, lets me know that my head is in the right place. This is where I need to be, even if I’m getting sick of it, I will never regret going through this.

This post may or may not be inspired by this song,
which probably has no actual correlation to its content.

I won’t lie, though. Comparison gets the best of me 99.9% of the time, which I know it shouldn’t. And, I’m always the first to say this comparison crap shouldn’t get in anyone’s way, get on anyone’s mind. But damn it, we’re human! I catch myself thinking, “Damn you Shayne, you should have done this years ago! Why’d it take you so much to get it together!” or “Look where you are. Look at you — you vs. them.” Ugh. I get it universe, I’m a joke.

I feel also that comparison is just a manifestation of fear. Fear is what ultimately stops us from going through opportunities or obstacles that present themselves to us. The fear of being judged or looked down on are just a couple of its other layers. With comparison though, we’re only just looking down on ourselves. We make ourselves less than everyone else we put on a pedestal. Here’s another bit of truth: no one is seriously that great enough for us to put on any pedestal and say, “Oh! Look here, we have the perfect human!” What a joke.

The one thing we have to remember is that we all have a different trajectory, and none of us should dare think we deserve or can even survive a path someone has already paved. The truth is, we only compare ourselves to what we see on the surface of another person’s journey. That’s it. We don’t know anything else about what they’ve been through aside from what they share, and even still, it’s none of our business. You, what you do, what you’ve been through, what you have to deal with, it’s no one’s business. There’s a greater number of possibilities out there for us when we realize that.

An amazing thing about life is that every phase we go through, no matter how permanent all of it feels, it’s only happening for now. Just for now. Do you know how much better it gets when we realize that, when we think in that way? Everyone you compare yourself to is only living that life for now. Everything you’re going through is only going to be that way for now. It’s all just for now.

On Time

I talk about time a lot. I think about it a lot. How much of it has gone, how much of it is left, how much I know nothing about what to do with, how much I don’t have of it, how much I have to make of it, how much I haven’t done with it. I think, after everything, I try to make the most of whatever opportunity pops up, regardless of how impractical or how many people might be against my decision.

I’ve never really had an opportunity to figure out who I am, without any association to any other circumstance. I don’t know myself as well as I should, and that’s okay because we’re all constantly evolving anyway. But, I’d like to know about how I feel about other places, situations, realities than where I’m at. I always thought I’d do that, but I couldn’t, and now that I’ve had a taste of it, it’s all I want to do. And, I want to bring everyone I love along with me, but that makes me feel selfish. What if that isn’t the life they want?

But I see it this way. Time is not infinite. It’s also not cheap or something that should be thought of passively. Time is the most expensive thing we can ever spend on in life. It’s crucial. As soon as you have it, it flees, and you look for more. The supply and demand for it is unreal. So, f******* splurge.